Community Band – Rules to Follow

The following list was passed out at our local community band recently. Surprisingly, Google only found one site with this set of rules. So here’s my contribution:

Community Band . Rules to Follow

  1. My instrument was tuned at the factory, and it.s still under warranty.
  2. The audience cannot see the music. If you cannot play it, fake it.
  3. This is an adult band; all humor should be adult-oriented.
  4. The low brass belongs in the back row and must earn this right with every possible rude comment.
  5. Only follow the conductor enough to make him feel needed. Any more would unnaturally boost his ego.
  6. If playing softer is necessary, remember playing out of tune will cancel out the unneeded sound.
  7. Hearing aids should be reserved only for older, more experienced players. The experience is necessary because faking it is difficult when you cannot hear to follow the rest of the section.
  8. .Fortissimo. does not mean .Loud as ****; .Forte. does!
  9. Remember, a concert is .just another rehearsal.. Take advantage of this time to try something new.
  10. Everyone should play the same piece.
  11. Stop at every repeat sign and discuss in detail whether to take the repeat or not. The audience will love it.
  12. If you play a wrong note, give a nasty look to one of your partners.
  13. Keep your fingering chart handy. You can always catch up to the others.
  14. Carefully tune your instrument before playing. That way you can play out tune all night with a clear conscience.
  15. Take your time turning pages.
  16. The right note at the wrong time is a wrong note (and vice-versa).
  17. If everyone gets lost except you, follow those who get lost.
  18. Markings for slurs, dynamics, and ornaments should not be observed. They are only there to embellish the score.
  19. If the passage is difficult, slow down. If it.s easy, speed up. Everything will work itself out in the end.
  20. If you are completely lost, stop everyone and say, .I think we should tune up..
  21. Happy are those who have not perfect pitch, for the kingdom of music is theirs.
  22. If the ensemble has to stop because of you, explain in detail why you got lost. Everyone will be interested.
  23. A true interpretation is realized when there remains not one note of the original.
  24. A wrong note played timidly is a wrong note. A wrong note played with authority is an interpretation.
  25. When everyone else has finished playing, you should not play any notes you have left.
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